I wonder, what is true love?

How can I even begin to express this? I'm not sure, and I'm feeling quite sluggish right now, so I may not be in the mood to write, but I'll give it a shot. Do you know what real love is? How do you love someone, or how do you know if someone loves you? No, I'm not asking you to continue reading my writing; I'm genuinely asking you to tell me. How can I be certain that I love someone, or that someone loves me? It's something I struggle to understand.

Like any other guy out there, I admire beautiful girls. I really like seeing them on the streets, in shops, at the railway station, in university, on the road, or on a rainy day with an umbrella. They all look beautiful, and each one is unique in their own way. Some have a modern style, some are more traditional, and some make me nervous. Some even make me scared when I imagine possible scenarios of talking to them. I just don't know what to say. I don't know if I loved the girl I used to study with at university. She was beautiful, but she had her flaws, and I was well aware of them. Everything was fine until the day she humiliated me, and I never spoke to her again after that. I never think of her now. It feels like I never really loved her. When I see her profile picture now, I feel nothing, no attraction at all. I doubt if I ever truly loved her.

I also have a fondness for puppies. My childhood was spent among stray dogs and pups, and it became part of my identity. People didn't know me by my name; I was the boy who played with dogs and built kennels. It was all good until the day I did something I can never forget, and I never played with dogs or got involved with them again.

I can't help but think it's unjust that we find dogs, puppies, cats, and kittens adorable, but we kill cockroaches, insects, lizards, rats, and dislike everything that looks ugly. I know not everyone does this, but the thought just occurred to me.

I wonder if everything we see, hear, feel, or taste is somehow related to love. I imagine someone in the past seeing the first man alive struggling to communicate with his partner, and out of love, they came to his aid, gave him words, taught him expressions, and showed him how to express himself. Love prompted them to help him when he struggled to hunt and eat raw meat, so they provided food and taught him to cook, all out of love for him. I imagine that someone taught him how to sing, dance, play, bathe, and everything else, all because of their love for him.

I won't lie; I also want a beautiful girl in my life. Someone who understands me, speaks my language, admires me, someone I can have fun with, go out with, watch movies with, and travel with. But the problem is, I just don't know. I have no idea. Sometimes I find none of them attractive, other times I find some of them attractive, and sometimes I find all of them attractive. Sometimes I feel content with myself, just lying in bed, watching short videos all day, but most of the time, I just hate myself for how I look, my body, my face, my laziness, my weakness, my shyness, and everything else.

People say it all starts with you. They say you have to love yourself first. That's what ma’am told me when I messaged her. I just don't know.

I'm feeling lonely now. I think I'll listen to a song by The Beatles - 'Eleanor Rigby.'

"Ah, look at all the lonely people!"

"Ah, look at all the lonely people!"