The Transformation

He yelled - "Why can't I just be myself? Mom always says it's alright to evolve over time; people naturally change as time passes. But this is different. I'm not evolving; I'm losing who I am. My identity, my personality, my character, it's all slipping away. I never asked to change; I never wished for my identity to be taken away. I was content with who I was. I had dreams – dreams of becoming an officer, an artist, a poet, a writer, a director, a dancer, an actor, a lover. But I never wished to lose myself. Why can't I just be me? What was so wrong with my identity that it had to be taken away? I'm not happy with myself.

My mom thinks I'm a mess, my dad's disappointed with my laziness. I can't hold onto a job, I can't study, I can't even laugh wholeheartedly because I'm not happy. I'm not happy with myself.

I never asked for this revelation; I never wanted to know the truth. And you call this love? It's ridiculous. I don't love you. You can't force me to feel something I don't. Why can't you just leave me alone?

Are you listening?

I want my identity back. I don't need any revelations. Stop hurting me. This isn't a joke.

If you're so benevolent, so kind, why not help those who actually want what you're giving me? Are there no deserving individuals on this planet? I see countless young people working tirelessly, sweating under the sun. Why not go help them instead of doing this to me?

I don't understand why you're doing this to me."

Tears streamed down his face, his voice growing hoarse from shouting at the vast expanse of the empty sky. Nothing but the cold wind answered him. He stood up, then slowly walked to the edge of the terrace.

Peering over the edge, he looked down. The height seemed sufficient to end anyone who took that step.

"You know I can't do this. You know I'm a coward. I always have been, and I've come to terms with that.

Can you hear me? I'm okay being a coward.

Why won't you just leave me alone? I don't believe in your nonsense, in the cycle of karma.

Please, just leave me be and give me back my identity.

I don't love you. I don't want to love you."

He wept like an infant, his hands pressed together in a plea for forgiveness before the vast expanse of the empty sky. On his knees, he bowed before the sky, whispering, "Please, just leave me alone. I don't want to lose my sanity. Society won't accept me like this. Give me back my identity. I apologize for my mistakes. Just let me be."

His strength was drained, tears dried up, leaving him breathless and overwhelmed.

“Fine, I get it. I know now that you're heartless. I see your true self – you're a devil, cruel and merciless. You're a tormentor!”

But you know what? I won't give up. I might perish, but I won't surrender. I can't take any more losses. I'm drained, exhausted."

He rose to his feet, took a deep breath, and yelled, "I've had enough!" Snatching up a fragment of red brick from a corner, he added one more cross to a tally mark that nearly covered the terrace walls – it was marked as day 246.

By Chaitanya Chaturvedi, Thanks for reading !